


fell apart in the lows of a laugh

by ecchymoz



Category: Gugudan (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - Neighbors, But also, F/F, and it's not walking, stop judging me for naming it haelly it's CUTE ok, there's one thing Nayoung is good at, unhealthy coffee consumption
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-05-19
Updated: 2017-06-11
Packaged: 2018-11-02 12:43:01
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 8,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10944741
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ecchymoz/pseuds/ecchymoz
Summary: Sejeong goes after what she wants the same way Nayoung runs in the other direction.(Where Najeong are neighbors and everyone drinks way too much coffee.)





	1. unknown number

**Author's Note:**

> \- title from SALES' [vow](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nF3KjIdLqys). it's a post-breakup song and doesn't have much to do with this fic, but SALES have some really nice music and you should definitely give them a listen.  
> \- it's rated M because sex is very present, but i don't plan on writing any detailed sex scene.  
> \- there are heaps of swearing, because........... i'm hopeless.

Sejeong wakes up to banging on the wall and a clear:

"Fuck, yeah!"

So.  It turns out her new neighbor is having sex at 3am with a girl who likes to punch walls. That's interesting. She hasn't met him yet but she can't wait to put a face on the dude who managed to make a girl scream this loud. Based on her straight friends' experience, it's rare enough to be worthy of note.

She rolls her eyes at heterosexuality for the 56th time this week.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck," goes the girl, followed by a low grunt that Sejeong supposes belongs to her neighbor.

She thinks it's a bit much; the girl is probably faking it.

"Fuck, harder, fuck YES!"

Or not. Weird.

It's not that she doesn't make noises during sex, but she usually doesn't speak unless she wants to say something. She's never had such a vocal partner either. It sounds weirdly like a parody, and she laughs alone in her bed.

Then she sighs, because yeah. Alone in her bed on a Saturday night, while her neighbor is having gross straight sex next door. It's a little bit sad.

Now that she thinks about it, the last time she had sex was… A month or so ago. Not bad. It was with the friend of a friend at the last party she went to, a girl whose name she already has trouble remembering. They didn't even go home together, just had semi-drunk sex in the bathroom of the apartment where the party was held. She pulls a face; it's not the classiest thing she's ever done.

Her last actual relationship, on the other hand, was almost a year ago: Bora, the ex who left her for a friend she'd been in love with for years without realizing. That's capital s Sad. She hadn't thought Bora and her were going anywhere serious with their relationship, but it had still stung to be rejected that easily in the name of a True Love that Sejeong was only a witness of. She had felt like the unwanted character of a movie, the girlfriend you want to get rid of so the two leads can get together.

She's over it though. She sees Bora and Mimi almost every week for coffee and she's happy to be their friends, even if it took several months for the awkwardness to dissolve. They're disgustingly in love and she's glad they found each other.

It still sucks that she hasn't had anyone since then.

 She's pulled out of her thoughts by a final scream, and Sejeong almost wants to clap for the performance. It seems like the appropriate response to such good sex when you're not the one having it.

She doesn't, because she's exhausted and just wants to go back to sleep.

 

*

 

In the morning she looks and feels like a zombie, but it's not because of the previous night. She's had trouble sleeping all week because of finals.

Of fucking course she doesn't have any coffee left. She has to spend the day studying though, so she needs to go out and buy some at the small shop that's barely a block away. She doesn't even bother with dressing herself or combing her hair before she gets out. She throws a glance at her sex-genius of a neighbor's door, half expecting the girl to come out in a walk of shame, but it stays closed. It hits her that the girl could be her neighbor, and that the one escaping in the morning could be the dude. She doesn't know why she assumed her neighbor was a man, but she hopes the screamer doesn't live permanently next to her. That'd be a pain. She could also be an actual girlfriend instead of a one-night-stand, and come back to howl in Sejeong's ears at the wee hours of morning every other day. She can only wait and see.

She takes the stairs because the elevator is busy, and she races it to the first floor. She arrives exactly when the doors open, and she feels satisfied with herself for all of two seconds before she sees who's coming out of it.

A girl, that's who; a girl with a black leather jacket, long pinkish hair covered by a black beanie, and black doc martens. There's an adorable frown on her face – a face that Sejeong happens to find extremely pretty. Her cheekbones are high and her cheeks are round; she wants to poke them as soon as she notices. She's carrying a large helmet under her arms and shit, if this is for a motorbike Sejeong is going to have a big problem. The whole look is very… Well, gay.

The frown on the girl's face fades as she takes in Sejeong's presence. She smiles, and the only thing that Sejeong's mind can come up with is _Wow_.

"Good morning!" the stranger says with an unexpectedly low, raspy voice. Sejeong swallows.

"Hi."

She sounds a little dumbstruck because she is, because it's early in the morning and she needs coffee and she didn't even dress up and she's too gay for this.

The girl nods in acknowledgement and walks to the mailboxes. Sejeong doesn't have time to think before she follows. There's nothing wrong with checking her mail now, it needs to be done anyway. From the corner of her eyes, she spies the name on the box the girl is opening.

_Kim Nayoung_.

"Ah, you're Sejeong!"

Sejeong jumps because that's her name in the girl's mouth and her voice is even raspier. It's messing with her brain.

"Yeah, it's me."

The girl is smiling more broadly now and shit, it's a little bit like staring at the sun. It takes Sejeong several beats to see the hand extended towards her. She takes it too hastily and it makes a clapping sound. It's awkward.

"I'm Nayoung," she says and Sejeong barely manages not to answer _I know_ like a creep.

"Cool," she says instead, which is not much better, but she's confused as to why this girl acts like she knows her. Their hands drop.

"I'm the one who slipped an envelope under your door the other day," Nayoung explains. "It was on the floor here and wouldn't fit into your mailbox, so I figured it'd be safer in your apartment."

Sejeong remembers finding the envelope on her doorstep and thinking the mailman must have believed it was too important to leave downstairs. She doesn't ask how Nayoung knew which apartment was hers, because she wrote its number on her mailbox (Kim Sejeong, C-1). It's not written on Nayoung's.

"Oh, thank you! That was really nice!"

"You're welcome", Nayoung says with a grin. "Have a nice day!" she adds as she turns to leave.

"You too!"

Sejeong watches her go, half-expecting Nayoung's long hair to float in the air behind her like the heroine of a movie. She can't look away.

Nayoung walks straight into the glass door with a loud bang and the spell is broken.

Sejeong is so surprised by the anticlimactic noise that she lets out a bark of laughter, but immediately covers her mouth with her hands as her eyes widen.

"Are you okay?" she asks as she half-runs over to Nayoung, who is bent forward and holding her forehead in her hands.

Nayoung's shoulders are shaking and for a few seconds Sejeong's afraid that she's crying. Then Nayoung straightens, and her smile is bright but embarrassed, and her cheeks are crimson.

"So much for a good first impression."

Sejeong bursts out laughing, and Nayoung joins her. Sejeong can't help but notice Nayoung's laughter: it sounds like it's coming from the bottom of her throat, or like she's been smoking for a while. Sejeong is not a big fan of smoking but she can make exceptions.

It takes them a minute to calm down, but eventually Sejeong points at Nayoung's forehead with a voice full of mirth.

"You should probably ice that."

"I don't have the time, I'm already late," Nayoung says as she opens the door and lets Sejeong walk past her. It's chilly outside. "I guess I'm in for a hell of a bump tomorrow."

"Yeah, um, maybe sooner than that", Sejeong tells her as she's looking at the redness above Nayoung's brow.

Nayoung grimaces and brushes it with her fingertips. Her eyes fall on her watch and her face loses color.

"Oh shit, I have to go. Bye!"

And with that she's gone, running away from the shop Sejeong's headed to, with her helmet balancing on her wrist and her hair floating in the air for real. She trips once but catches herself and keeps running like nothing happened. Sejeong giggles.

She stays there for a few seconds, starstruck, before a shiver reminds her she was wearing her old ratty pajamas with the bunnies on the pants during the whole interaction. She drops her head and groans. So much for a good first impression indeed.

She needs coffee.

 

*

 

Apparently the first girl didn't punch the wall, it's just the sound the bed makes when it moves. Who had the moronic idea to build apartments where the bedrooms share a wall? Maybe that explains why the rent is cheap. Her previous neighbor was an old lady who didn't say a word to anyone in the building, and made even less noise at home, so Sejeong is only figuring it out two years late.

It's definitely not the same girl as the previous week; her neighbor must be a dude into one-time things. Her first instinct was right. This girl doesn't scream, but squeals in tiny high noises that remind Sejeong of a mouse. It's not sexy.

Her neighbor barely makes any sound, only a faint moan from time to time. Sejeong doesn't have much experience with men having sex, but it seems logical to her they'd be less vocal. For some vague reason. It's past 1am and she was asleep a minute ago, so thinking logically is not high on the list of her priorities.

The squeaky noises the girl makes are intriguing. She'd be embarrassed if she sounded like that, but the girl keeps going with absolutely no sign of shame. Good for her, Sejeong thinks.

It lasts way longer than the first time and Sejeong grows more annoyed as minutes pass by. She doesn't have any earplugs, and pressing a second pillow to her ear is useless. At some point the noises subside and she thinks they're done, but just as she's ready to go back to sleep the squeals start again in time with the banging of the bed. She waits, considers her options, but in the end decides it's her right to complain. She's about to knock on the wall when finally the girl releases a disturbingly high screech and the bangs stop. There are a few more dull scratches, the muffled sound of two voices and her neighbor's front door closing in the hallway.

Blessed, glorious silence.

 

*

 

She thinks a little about her encounter with Nayoung but doesn't see her again. She spends most of her time studying at the campus library or at home anyway, so it's not like she's camping in the hall of her building and has actual chances of meeting anyone besides her study buddy.

(She's tired, but Haebin's face when she arrives at their table every morning tells her she knows nothing of what true suffering is.)

She tries not to get carried away by fantasies of running into Nayoung again, but it's easy to let her mind wander when the alternative is "Structure Of Organizations".

"Sejeong wake the hell up or I swear I'm punching you in the teeth."

Everyday-Haebin is a lovely, charming girl with an easy smile, always ready to give a good hug and watch dumb TV shows.

Finals-Haebin is a soul-sucking vortex of flash cards and highlighters. A guy at a near table throws them a terrified glance, and it's justified.

"If we don't get to the end of this chapter by noon my whole schedule is fucked," Haebin tells her for the 3rd time this morning. "I'm giving you 10 minutes to tell me what has you smiling like a dog taking a piss, and then I want you ready and focused. Go."

The weird dog analogy was completely unnecessary, in her opinion, but if she's honest with herself Sejeong must admit she's been dying to talk about Nayoung to someone. She does so as quickly as possible.

When she's done retelling what she realizes is basically a very brief encounter with a stranger, Haebin grins like the normal her that Sejeong loves.

"I think your love life is so empty you're latching onto anything that's the littlest bit out of the ordinary. It's cute."

Sejeong hits her arm. Loving Haebin? She's never experienced that emotion.

She's not wrong, though. Haebin rarely is. Obsessing over a girl she saw for two minutes last week and will probably never talk to again as if it were this big event is the sign that her life has gotten a little too boring.

She sighs and drops her head to the table.

"I want you to know that I hate you," she mumbles. "But I know you're right."

"Of course I'm right. Now stop being gay and start being productive."

She tries.

 

*

 

A week later, she's flirting with cerebral death and she left Haebin on the verge of a breakdown, but finals are over.

She slept six hours in the last four days, and exhaustion is making it hard to even take the bus to go home. She drags her tired limbs from the exam room to the nearest bus stop and lets out a small cry as she almost walks into a street lamp that disappears right after she jumps backward. She blinks, trying to call it back to life, but she's pretty sure she just had her first hallucination. She's tempted to lie down on the sidewalk and sleep there, but she forces herself to walk to the bus stop. She tries to beep her card five times in vain before an impatient man behind her notes out loud that it's more effective with a bus card instead of a credit card. She blushes and beeps the right one before dropping herself on the nearest vacant seat. Her whole body feels like a giant lump of dead weight. It takes too much energy to move it and she wishes she could simply leave it behind. She fights to keep her eyes open but her eyelids are heavy and the bus is warm, and she thinks: five minutes.

A hand shaking her shoulder is what wakes her up, along with a low voice calling her name.

"Sejeong?"

Groggy, she squints and tries to take in her surroundings. Shit, she shouldn't have slept in the bus, what if she missed her stop, what if her wallet got-

Nayoung is looking at her.

"Hey," Nayoung greets her.

"What the hell," Sejeong mumbles.

Nayoung's eyebrows shoot up for a second before she chuckles. Her cheeks are red.

"Sorry to wake you, but if you want to go home the next stop is ours."

"What the hell," Sejeong repeats because really, what the hell.

Fuck, she needs sleep.

"Yeah, I can see that."

Did she just say that out loud?

"Yeah, you did. Do you need to get off the bus now?"

Fuck. Yes, probably.

Nayoung chuckles again.

"C'mon, get up."

She does, but everything feels fuzzy. The people around them, the feeling of Nayoung's jacket under her fingers, the sound of the bus stopping are all dream-like. She knows it's real, but she simply can't be more awake than this. It's awful.

She's barely conscious when Nayoung helps her get off the bus, and then supports her for the five-minute walk to their building. She knows when they enter because the air is suddenly warmer, but once they're in the elevator she can't remember walking from the front door to here. The elevator feels safe, she wants to sleep here. Nayoung holds her up instead, and pushes her out when the doors open.

Suddenly there's her couch under her and she sleeps.

 

*

 

When she wakes up it's 9pm on the next day, meaning she was out for about 27 hours. Still on her couch, staring at the ceiling, it takes long minutes for her to gather her thoughts. A headache is pounding behind her eyes and it's distracting her.

She remembers Nayoung and her stomach flips. Nayoung was on the bus. Nayoung helped her. Sejeong is almost sure she was rude to her at some point.

She whines and covers her eyes with her arms. Of course their second meeting happened when she was brain dead, after their first happened when she wore bunny pants. That seems just like her luck. She can't wait for the third occurrence; she'll probably be piss drunk and throw up on the poor girl, thus ruining her chances forever.

Then she shakes herself, because she's not a damsel in distress who lets things happen to her and has no influence on her environment. She's not a bad Disney princess; she's an adult able to take rational decisions about what she wants. She can almost hear her mother's voice telling her to _work for it, Sejeong._ You want cookies, Sejeong? Then learn how to make them. You want friends, Sejeong? Then stop hiding in your mother's skirt. You want to go to college, Sejeong? Then save money.

You want your cute neighbor to smile at you again? Then ask her out.

She ignores the way her heart clenches like it always does when she thinks about her mom, but takes quick note to call home in the morning.

She gets up from the couch, only to feel dizzy immediately.  She'll play heartthrob tomorrow. For now, she needs to sleep some more – in her bed this time.

(She doesn't hesitate for one second before she hits her wall when the sex noises start around 6am. Not today, Dom Juan.

The noises stop and she falls back asleep immediately.)

 

*

 

 

_You want to be a lesbian, Sejeong?_

 

_Then leave this house._

 

*

 

The third thing on her mind when she wakes up at 10am after " _I should have closed the blinds_ " and " _my head hurts_ " is Nayoung. It consolidates her decision not to crush from afar this time: she has done it all before, the pining and the keeping silent, but it didn't agree with her and she's not too fond of repeating past mistakes. Before she has even left her bed, she has a plan.

After a shower, a coffee and a phonecall to her brother, she sits at her desk and starts drafting.

Writing a thank you note takes her longer than she expected. She starts sentences that sound too grateful, or too cold, or too cheesy. She's determined to do this right.

It takes the better part of an hour and two mugs of coffee, but she finally manages to write a concise note that works both as a thank you and an invite, with her phone number at the end.

She drops it in Nayoung's mailbox, and waits.

 

*

 

The answer is waiting for her the next day, when she checks her phone after she went to the theater with Haebin and Xiening, who may or may not be flirting under her nose as if she weren't here. They're walking down the street and her hands are frozen, but the sky is beautiful. The grey clouds look heavy, ready to fall on their heads, but a few sunrays are still passing through.

 

 

 

She _beams_ , even if she doesn't understand the last text. If Nayoung hadn't been there to wake her up she would have missed her bus stop.

 

 

 

She sorts of regret the winky face, because it's probably too soon (is it weird that she has to keep reminding herself she doesn't know Nayoung at all?) but she ends up shrugging it off. It's too late now, and at least her intentions are clearer that way. If Nayoung is an oblivious straight girl, she can interpret it as a simple text habit. If Nayoung's attracted to girls, she'll know what it means. Or so Sejeong hopes.

 

 

 

Her smile is so bright her cheeks hurt a little. She almost giggles in excitement.

"Who are you texting?" Xiening asks.

Sejeong jumps because shit, she forgot they were with her. She shrugs but her shoulders are tense and it doesn't look quite as indifferent as she'd hope.

"Bora."

Thank god she's an excellent liar, because Xiening is an excellent bullshit detector. She hums in acknowledgement and goes back to arguing with Haebin about the movie they just saw. Xiening keeps pushing Haebin's shoulder as she throws her head back to laugh, and Haebin obviously loves teasing her. Sejeong wonders distractedly if their flirting is genuine or if they're only joking. She had assumed Xiening was straight, but this doesn't look straight at all. In the back of her mind she sets a reminder to ask Haebin about it later, but her current thoughts are focused on Nayoung's texts and the fact that they're having a drink tomorrow night.

She's not sure it's a date, but she's determined to treat it as one.

 

 

 

 

 

 


	2. first date

In the lobby of her building, Sejeong tugs at the sleeves of her coat as she congratulates herself on her outfit. The freezing wind outside forced her to compromise between warmth and attractiveness, but she thinks she did a decent job. Her coat will let Nayoung see she's wearing a navy dress that reaches mid-thighs, but it won't reveal her secret weapon until she takes it off at the bar. The heels of her boots are high enough to make her legs look slender, but not high enough that she'll have to focus on her steps for the whole night. Her tights are warm but partially transparent. She thought this through and she's satisfied; this is a proper first date attire. She spent the entire day worrying about it, so it really has nothing to do with smart-thinking and more to do with over-analyzing every choice she made until it was as perfect as it could be, but she'll take it anyway.

Now if only Nayoung would show up so her stomach could stop jumping every time she hears a noise.

She's been on edge all day, even during the three hours she spent watching cartoons this morning as a reward for being done with finals. She forced herself to have diner, because she's not stupid enough to drink on an empty stomach, but the food had tasted like sand. She had refused to send a distressed text to Haebin because she's not 16 anymore and she can handle a crush without talking it out with her friends, but god had she wanted to. She doesn't usually let herself get nervous, but she hasn't been on a date in months and she's afraid to be rusty. She hasn't really tried to seduce anyone in so long that she wonders how she even used to do it. The talking, the smiling, the flirting all seem like foreign concepts, like an old lesson she knows she learned at school but can't bring back to memory in detail. She's good at making conversation – Bora often says she could make friends with anyone in less than 20 minutes – but she doesn't know anything about Nayoung, and maybe their brief moment of chemistry the other week was a fluke. Maybe she made it up, the way it felt like Nayoung would be easy to speak with. Maybe she really is just so lonely that-

The elevator dings open and Sejeong tries not to let her jaw drop.

Nayoung is wearing a light grey buttoned up under her leather jacket, and her hair is all swept up on the same shoulder like she's been passing her hand through it a lot. Sejeong thinks _tomboy princess_ and then scolds herself right away because now is not the time to make up new lesbian terminology. But what truly makes Sejeong's heart stop, and then brutally accelerate, is the expression on Nayoung's face: there's a line between her eyebrows and her eyes are dark, determined. She walks like she's ready for a fight.

Sejeong is so taken aback by her sudden appearance that it takes a second for her to realize Nayoung planted herself in front of her, with that frown aimed at her like a laser. The nervousness she forgot for a moment comes back in full swing; she shrinks as if she had already done something wrong.

"Hum, hi?"

The uncertainty in her voice makes her cringe. She doesn't want to give off an unconfident vibe, but Nayoung's intimidating attitude is unsettling.

Nayoung softens the slightest bit.

"Hi."

She stares at Sejeong for a few more seconds, and Sejeong tries not to squirm under the attention by doing what she does best: plastering a smile on her face and pretending the situation is not awkward. 

Nayoung deflates like a balloon.

"I can't tell so I'm just going to ask," she starts and Sejeong hears instantly the panic in her tone. "Are you gay? Because I am. And if this isn't a date I'd like to know, so I don't make a fool of myself. Not that it would change anything, I'd still love getting to know you and I'm not gonna go around complaining that you friend-zoned me or whatever, because I'm not an asshole and being friends is good, honestly it's great, but I was just-"

It takes Sejeong a few sentences into the rapid-fire speech Nayoung is throwing at her to understand, but suddenly she's letting out the breath she was holding in a boisterous laugh that frees her from the heavy stress she'd been under all day. She's laughing because she thought she was nervous, but Nayoung is a rambling wreck. She thought she'd have to read subtle clues to know whether this was a date or not, but Nayoung laid all her cards on the table within the first minute. She thought she'd have to play mind games all night, she thought she'd have to assume her First Date Personality, she thought she'd have to pretend, but the wonderful reality is this: the first gift Nayoung ever offers her is honesty.

Once she's done wiping her tears and she has her laughter in check, she looks at a beet-red Nayoung right in the eyes and declares with a bright smile:

"I am very gay, and this is very much a date."

Nayoung's own smile is self-conscious, and the red on her cheeks won't subside, but she looks happy.

"Good."

  

*

 

The cold of the night attacks her fingers as soon as they open the door, but the warmth of the building stays with her for a little while as they walk. The lights of the city hide the stars, and Sejeong is brought back to the vast illuminated sky she could see from her childhood bedroom. In the middle of nowhere, surrounded by cornfields instead of street lamps, she could see thousands and thousands of them.

She shakes her head and gets rid of the memory. Tonight is not about nostalgia.

She chose a bar lounge they can go to on foot that won't ruin her monthly budget after two cocktails. Google Maps says it should take about ten minutes to get there, a time Sejeong intends to use as an ice-breaker.

"I'm really sorry about the rambling," Nayoung says for the third time. "When I'm nervous everything comes out at the same time."

Sejeong's eyes crinkle with the smile she can't quite wipe off her face.

"Including you apparently."

It takes Nayoung a second, but she grins when she gets it.

"And seriously, it's okay. Don't worry about it," Sejeong reassures her. "It was cute." 

Nayoung blushes and pinches her lips not to smile. Sejeong feels pleased with herself; if this is how Nayoung reacts every time she receives a compliment, she's going to make it rain.

(She had no reason to worry about her ability to flirt.)

"Tell me, hot stuff: how old are you?"

Nayoung chuckles and shakes her head disbelievingly at the nickname.

"I turned 24 last month. You?"

"I'm 23."

Nayoung gasps.

"I can't believe I'm being hit on by a child!"

Sejeong punches Nayoung's shoulder lightly.

"If I'm a child then you're an old fart."

"Is that how you show respect to your elders?" Nayoung asks with a raised eyebrow.

Sejeong rolls her eyes.

"Tell me, child, what do you do with your life?"

Sejeong rolls her eyes harder.

"I'm an economics student."

"For real?" Nayoung says, obviously suprised . "You don't look like you'd be interested in economics."

"Why, what am I supposed to look like?"

Nayoung looks suddenly sheepish.

"I don't know… Prissy?"

Sejeong shrugs, because she can't even deny it. In some of the courses, the daddy's boys come to class wearing carefully-ironed suits.

"And what do I actually look like?" she asks teasingly.

"Beautiful, especially in this dress."

Sejeong gapes at Nayoung, whose face screams embarrassment but whose eyes are unwavering. The look they share is a little stunned, but Sejeong is happy to note it's also something she hasn't felt in a long time: a little heated.

"Thanks. You don't look half bad yourself."

It's a strong euphemism, because truth is Nayoung looks breathtaking. The cold has turned her cheeks pink and her eyes reflect the yellow headlights of every car that drives by. When the lights leave, they become so dark Sejeong almost forgets to blink.

There's a brief moment of silence before she remembers their conversation.

"How about you, what do you do?"

"I study ecology and evolutionary biology, but I'm mostly interested in biology."

Sejeong whistles.

"That's more impressive than economics. Although it makes you sound like a little nerd."

Nayoung shrugs, looks at the street in front of her.

"I've been called a nerd before."

"It's weird, you don't look like a nerd," Sejeong says with a smirk.

"No? What do I look like then?"

"Like a _huge_ nerd."

Nayoung's peal of laughter echoes loudly in the street, and Sejeong stares.

 

*

 

She learns small but important Nayoung things on the way: she's always lived in the city but understands when Sejeong admits she misses the countryside she grew up in. Her favorite color is blue. She likes dogs, but is afraid of cats as well as of the vast majority of the animal population on earth. (She looks at the ground when she realizes the list she's dressing is getting freakishly long and specific, until Sejeong admits she's scared of donkeys and Nayoung laughs at her like she didn't just say she was terrified of giraffes because "their necks look like they should break".)

Sejeong marvels at the easy flow of their banter despite their differences. Sometimes she struggles to find her footing with new acquaintances, doesn't know what joke will land and what not to say, even if she always manages to hard-carry the conversation if need be. But with Nayoung she feels like they're on the same wavelength. It reminds Sejeong of the satisfaction in finding two puzzle pieces that fit.

The bar is hidden from the main street because it's located at the end of a narrow cul-de-sac, which might explain why she's never seen it before even though it's so close to her place. Nayoung says she's heard of it but never went in, which Sejeong takes as a win.

Walking from the mostly silent street to a large room buzzing with conversations and music makes her feel dizzy. The place is simply arranged, with the busy bar at the center and dozens of tables surrounding it. The decoration is distinctively modern, mostly shiny white furniture on which the bright colored lights of neon is reflected. It's not really her style – she'd pick wood and earth tones over plastic anytime – but she likes the overall atmosphere.

She spots an empty table against the left wall, grazes Nayoung's back to draw her attention, and leaves her hand there for a few steps as they navigate between the tables. She knows it's almost too daring, but she likes the idea of everyone in the room knowing Nayoung is here with her, and Nayoung glances at her but doesn't say anything.

There's a single poppy flower in a glass vase on their table and Sejeong smiles because it's pretty much exactly what she pictured: intimate but not so romantic that it's cheesy.

She takes off her coat before she sits and when she looks back at Nayoung, warmth spreads around her neck and along her spine. Nayoung's mouth is wide open, her eyes glued to Sejeong's toned biceps. She did choose a sleeveless dress on purpose to show them off.

"Holy shit," Nayoung breathes out and Sejeong lets out a delighted giggle. "Do you work out?"

 "I do, about four times a week."

 "Well," Nayoung starts, still glazing at Sejeong's arms. "Well," she repeats. "That's very… nice."

Sejeong snorts, and Nayoung snaps out of it, her face flushed.

 "Sorry. Was that too much? I feel like it was too much."

 Sejeong shakes her head.

"I take it as a great compliment. Thanks."

The blue neon hung above them makes Nayoung's traits look soft, erases all angles, as if they were underwater. It turns her grey shirt a light blue that matches Sejeong's darker dress. She makes her vision go blurry on purpose, glad to see the blue hue increases, and pretends the sounds around them are muffled by the ocean. Then her eyes accidentally fall on Nayoung's chest. Three buttons are undone; she gulps. There's black lace and milky soft skin and- she remember that staring at your date's boobs within the first five minutes is not the epitome of class. She's usually better than that but the fierce attraction she feels for Nayoung keeps taking her by surprise.

"Should I go order something at the bar?" Nayoung's playful voice brings her back to reality. There's a knowing smirk on her face that has Sejeong flustered, that makes her duck her head. "What do you want?"

"I'll have, uh, a mojito."

"Okay, be right back."

She watches Nayoung stand up in one smooth movement that leaves her towering over Sejeong for a second before she leaves, and as Sejeong watches her walk away she can't help the intrusive thought that there are other circumstances in which she wouldn't mind Nayoung making her feel defenseless.

She spends the next few minutes gazing at Nayoung from afar as she hails a bartender with confidence, her face illuminated by pink neon this time. She looks surreal, face metamorphosing with the color of the light that hits her. Sejeong makes a list.

Blue: she's soft, like waking up early to watch the sunrise with blankets and hot tea.

Pink: she's dangerous, like crossing the rails right before the train arrives.

Yellow: she glows, likes a summer afternoon at the pool when you're a kid. 

Sejeong is really, really glad she wrote a thank you note.

Nayoung starts to make her way back with a glass in each hand, smiling peacefully.

Until her foot catches a chair leg and she suddenly has to contort herself into a funny-looking step forward not to spill anything, which she does anyway. When both of her feet are safely on the ground again she stays still for a brief moment to make sure she didn't break anything. The maneuver catches the attention of everyone around her and earns her a few chuckles. When she arrives at their table safe and sound, but once again blushing from the root of her hair right down to her collarbones, Sejeong is trying her hardest to hide her hilarity behind her hands. She can feel her eyes water with the effort. Once she's sitting down, Nayoung looks at her for a few seconds and finally lets out a self-depreciating laugh.

"You probably guessed it already but I'm kind of a klutz."

Sejeong has noticed, what with the walking into a door on their first meeting and the tripping over thin air, but "kind of a klutz" turns out to be the biggest understatement of the century. Nayoung spills alcohol when she underlines a point with hand gestures; Nayoung makes her napkin fall every time she moves; Nayoung almost sits next to her chair when she comes back with their second cocktails. The vase threatens to fall three times and only stays upright thanks to Sejeong's quick reflexes. She doesn't know how someone can be that much of a danger for every object lying within 3ft of her, but the part of her that enjoys taking risks finds it impressive. It's not like Nayoung is hyper-agitated and fidgets all the time, which could explain it; she just makes it look like the universe's personal goal is to stand in her way.

Nayoung is clumsy, but what has Sejeong enraptured is that she's unapologetic about it. She spills her drink –twice – and sighs, kindly asks the barman a rag to sponge it off like it's something she's used to. It probably is. Her laugh is only self-depreciating a few times before it turns into a shrug and a grin. It's like she completely accepts that she will break things anyway, so instead of losing time complaining or looking embarrassed she acts on the consequences and moves on until the next incident.

It's a strange thing to witness and Sejeong watches in wonder.

As the night goes on, a clearer picture of Nayoung forms in her mind. The alcohol does its job quickly and gets rid of the last tendrils of nervousness in her stomach. She feels lose, floaty, giggly, but not enough that she's not perfectly aware of how long she and Nayoung can hold each other's gaze.

Nayoung is passionate about what she's studying, can talk about "the dynamical systems approach to analyze, model and describe evolving biological systems" (or something, honestly she loses Sejeong after the second word) for long minutes before she realizes Sejeong is completely out of her depth and is just looking at her with a fond smile.

She orders a second Bloody Mary after the first one – Sejeong orders a margarita – and admits she doesn't like the taste but loves the color. Sejeong smirks ruefully and says she hates red; Nayoung looks at her with an outraged air that turns Sejeong's smirk into a full-blown laugh.

When Sejeong notes that the couple sitting a few tables behind Nayoung is playing footsie as if they weren't exposed for the whole room to see, Nayoung turns around with absolutely no sense of discretion and snorts into her drink. She ends up coughing up vodka and tomato juice through her nose and complains for the next 10 minutes that her nostrils are burning and that everything smells like alcohol. Sejeong can't stop laughing, has to lean the wall not to fall off her chair and she's sure her mascara is ruined. She doesn't care that much.

They talk about their friends for a while. Sejeong tells her about the time Bora thought Mimi was about to leave her and, instead of confronting her like an adult, woke Sejeong up at 3am to cry on her couch. It turned out that Mimi was only avoiding her because she had school work, exactly like she had said to Bora. Sejeong tells Nayoung it's almost comical sometimes, but also kind of beautiful, the way they're so obviously in love. How they make each other better and how their bodies adapt automatically to the other's presence, like a river readjusting to welcome the raindrops. She doesn't tell Nayoung she and Bora dated, because exes aren't the right kind of subject for the light mood they're in, even if there's nothing sad or left-unaddressed between her and Bora now.

Nayoung tells her about Hyeyeon and Mina, two friends she treats like younger sisters and who apparently are angels, even if Nayoung admits their favorite activity is making fun of her.

"Once, they laughed so hard at a jacket I was wearing that Mina fell off her bicycle and Hyeyeon had to kneel down in the middle of the street." Her eye-roll is so affectionate it makes Sejeong want to meet them.

Nayoung is also close to a Sojin in med school, who works more than anyone Nayoung's ever seen and looks like a zombie most of the time. The four of them have known each other since high school and seem very close according to the way Nayoung lights up when she speaks about them. Sejeong feels a pang of regret for the high school friends she doesn't really talk to anymore, especially Chaeyeon and Somi. And Chungha, but that's another story. She takes a mental note to contact the first two soon.

Nayoung pretends to sulk when she mocks her too much, but Sejeong is quick with make-up compliments. After her third cocktail, she tells Nayoung about how soft the blue neon makes her look; she tells Nayoung her hair is princess-like; she tells Nayoung what her low raspy laugh is doing to Sejeong's nape, and chest, and spine. The first few times Nayoung blushes hard and shies away for a full minute, but after her third glass she winks, says thank you and looks at Sejeong like she's expecting her next move.

She pays Sejeong a few compliments too. About the fit of her dress, about her eyes when she smiles – they supposedly "sparkle" – and about her hands. The last one comes when Sejeong pretends she can read Nayoung's palm and declares that her Jupiter line crossing her Mars mole is the reason her relationship to animals is complicated. Nayoung's scoff comes to a strangled stop when Sejeong's fingertips reach her wrist and trace the lines there. Sejeong looks up sharply, her heart beating strongly against her ribcage. Nayoung scrambles to hide her reaction.

"I, hum, I like your hands."

Sejeong raises an eyebrow.

"Why?"

Nayoung can't look her in the eye, and Sejeong grazes her wrist again – it makes Nayoung's fingers twitch, but she doesn't take her hand back.

"You know. They're... nice-looking."

Then Nayoung takes a deep breath and looks at her with dark, dark eyes and something on her face steals Sejeong's teasing answer right out of her mouth. She wants to call it hunger. Her stomach clenches around warmth again, boiling in her with an abruptness that leaves her stunned. She's the one who takes her hand off of Nayoung's skin and leans back on her chair to give them space.

Her body's reaction to Nayoung can't only be justified by her month-long dry spell and the alcohol, even if drinking does tend to make her… promiscuous. There's something she can't quite explain there, a rare chemistry she's lucid enough to recognize. She wonders if Nayoung feels it too, if Sejeong affects her in the same disproportionate way.

("You're a horny drunk," had whimpered Chungha while Sejeong's lips were sucking on her pulse point and the walls were vibrating with the music of the party they were at. Sejeong was 16 and drunk for the fourth time of her life, but for the first time with her girlfriend in the room. They'd both been delighted by the realization, until Chaeyeon had walked in on them and made a scene.

God they were young back then. She remembers the fear stuck in her throat for weeks afterwards, threatening to choke her, terrified Chaeyeon would tell people despite her promise not to.

Chaeyeon had kept her mouth shut. Everything had gone to hell anyway.)

Nayoung loves music as much as she does and they spend half an hour debating whether Lungs was a better album than Ceremonials. Nayoung says no, Sejeong says yes and after a heated argument they have to agree to disagree. Nayoung picks The Cure as her favorite band and Sejeong snorts, looks at Nayoung's overall look and says _Of course it is_ , which Nayoung takes as a compliment. Then Sejeong brings up the helmet she saw Nayoung carry, and when Nayoung confirms she has a bike Sejeong bites her lips and stares until Nayoung coughs and looks away.

At some point Nayoung mentions her family as she recalls an anecdote. She has an older sister and an older brother, and two loving parents and a dog and probably a white picket fence in front of their idyllic house. Sejeong fights her body's first response, which is to tense and flee. Instead she breathes in and tries to decide whether she's going to lie or tell the truth when Nayoung asks the inevitable questions.

"So the day my dad saw my sister's ugly tattoo I thought for a second he was going to kick her out of the house", Nayoung finishes her story and Sejeong keeps her smile bright and steady, even manages a chuckle. She doesn't flinch and counts it as a victory.

"Do you have any siblings?" Nayoung asks after she sipped on her drink.

"Yeah, I have a little brother. He's 17."

"Are you two close?"

"Yes," she says but stops herself before she can add something about being closer if she could visit him at home instead of arranging secret meetings once or twice a month.

"What about your parents?"

Nayoung's eyes are bright when she talks about her family and she mentioned being kicked out of the house like it was never a real possibility for her, and the mood is playful despite Sejeong's tense reaction to the conversation, so she makes a choice.

"We were raised by our mom alone. We're all pretty tight," she lies.

The lie hurts because the only part that isn't true is the present tense. The three of them used to have Christmases and sunny kitchens and Sunday mornings. They used to be the poster family for single-parent education, even if their mom was always working and always tough, unyielding. They had the hugs, even if they didn't have the money. Nowadays they have the money and not much else.

Nayoung nods in acknowledgement. Sejeong decides it's time to change the subject.

"Do you have tattoos?"

If Nayoung thinks the question comes out of the blue, she doesn't show it. She wiggles her eyebrows, and it looks ridiculous but also weirdly hot, even if Nayoung clearly intends it as a joke.

"There's one way you can find out."

The pleasant warmth of the alcohol can't compare to the heat flaring back in her neck.

 

*

 

It's past 1am when they leave the bar. Sejeong reckons she's just short of being drunk. She needs to focus to walk straight and she's not completely sure she succeeds, but she can walk. She's not at the point where she blurts out everything that comes to her mind, for which she's grateful because what mostly comes to her mind right now is how much she wants to slip her hands in the back pockets of Nayoung's black jeans. She's staring at them and it's really, really tempting because Nayoung's ass looks good, like, incredibly great. Obviously it moves with every step she takes and Sejeong doesn't understand why she's never noticed before how beautiful such a simple thing can be. Girls are magical, she thinks, and yeah okay, maybe she can admit she's actually drunk.

Nayoung is on the phone with someone, and Sejeong knows it's late for a phone call but she's too distracted by Nayoung's ass to think it through. When she hangs up, they're already in front of their building and Sejeong hasn't even noticed one-tenth of the journey. Nayoung sighs.

"I have to go help Sojin. She lost her apartment keys and I have the spare."

Sejeong frowns, tries to understand all the words as she takes a rest against the nearest wall. The concrete feels rough and icy under her fingers and on her scalp.

Nayoung drank. Nayoung wants to go to her friend's apartment.

"Don't drive."

It comes off as way more bossy than she intended it but her mouth is not cooperating with her brain too well. Nayoung just chuckles and shakes her head.

"I won't, I'm walking. And I'm way less drunk than you anyway."

Then she tilts her head as she stares at Sejeong, with that teasing grin of hers, and adds:

"You're really cute."

Sejeong's smile is so sudden and so large it hurts her cheeks a little, but who cares. Her stomach does a flip that has nothing to do with her inebriation.

"You think I'm cute?"

Nayoung nods and takes a step forward.

"Yeah. Adorable, actually."

Back against the wall, she looks up to see Nayoung gazing down at her with soft eyes and an undecipherable expression. Their proximity is intoxicating. Her whole body is warm and tense. Nayoung's mouth is right there, in front of her eyes, pink and inviting, and Sejeong's throat goes so dry she has to keep herself from ostensibly licking her lips. Her hands are itching to bring Nayoung closer, to grip Nayoung's hips and touch the skin of her waist, but she holds herself back. She swears she can feel Nayoung's body heat despite the few inches between them and the freezing wind. Maybe it's just her own skin burning up because of what is about to happen.

Nayoung raises her hand slowly, like she doesn't want to scare her off, and tucks a lock of hair behind Sejeong's ear. When her fingertips graze Sejeong's cheek, and then her neck, a shiver runs through her body. She's sure Nayoung can tell. Her nerve-endings are on fire. Everything is in suspense.

"I really want to kiss you," Nayoung whispers.

Sejeong's brain short-circuits. Yes, she wants to scream. Please.

"But you're drunk."

What?

Nayoung takes a deep breath in like she's in pain and steps back. Sejeong almost stumbles forward, and maybe that proves Nayoung's point, but this is so unfair. With Nayoung's body gone she notices she's shaking from the cold, but it still doesn't feel as biting as her disappointment. Nayoung's mouth was right here and now she's so far away and what kind of cruel game is this, and she wants– she locks a whine in her chest. She's not going to be a baby about this, because she can recognize Nayoung is right. She's too drunk. But shit, she _wants_ so much.

"Rain check?" Nayoung asks sheepishly.

Sejeong swallows back the tension and the anticipation. She doesn't hide from Nayoung, lets her see exactly how much control she has to exercise in order to pull herself together. In her state, she doesn’t know if she could hide anything anyway.

"Yeah." And because she's always been a needy drunk on top of a horny one, she adds: "Soon."

Nayoung doesn't laugh but nods seriously; it's a promise. Sejeong feels marginally better.

"Do you need help getting to your apartment?"

Sejeong shakes her head, but not too quickly because the ground is pitching like she's on a boat. God, what a dumbass. She should never have drunk so much, but she's never been good at knowing when to stop.

"No, I'll be fine. Go help Soyee."

"It's Sojin."

Sejeong nods. Her eyes feel droopy. It's a good thing she's only an elevator ride away from her bed.

Nayoung types in the entry code and the door opens with a buzz.

"You sure you're going to be okay?"

Sejeong dismisses her with a vague hand gesture.

"Yes, don't worry. I'm almost there."

Sejeong slips inside and turns around.

"Text me?"

"Promise. I'm sorry to leave like that, but she's-"

"Nayoung, it's fine. Thank you for tonight."

Nayoung smiles and opens her mouth to answer, but her phone vibrates. She looks at the screen and makes a face.

"Ah shit, her creepy neighbor is trying to invite her in. I gotta go. I'll text you tomorrow, okay?"

"Okay. Be careful."

"You too. Bye!"

She's gone in the blink of an eye, and the door closes. The warmth of the hall makes her realize how frozen her hands are and she knows she'll have a runny nose for the next few days.

She grins. It was worth it, even with the abrupt end.

She gets in her apartment without a hitch. She takes the very responsible decision to scrubs her face clean despite how much she wants to conk out, because she knows she'll be happy to have done it in the morning. She drinks water and prepares a bottle on her nightstand. Then, finally, she slips into her bed.

Sleep comes easy despite how giddy she feels, and her neighbor stays blessedly silent.

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> if you saw any typo or anything that didn't sound like correct english, please don't hesitate to tell me.  
> the next chapter will probably take even longer to come because i have a busy few weeks coming up, but i'll try my best to have something for the first half of july.

**Author's Note:**

> i'm @twice9udan on twitter, come say hi :)


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